For those who watched Hillary Clinton speak last night knew it was a fake attempt to shore up unity for the Democrats.  After all, do you honestly think the Clintons will accept not being in power anymore?  No.   I decided to use the “Clint-rator” to translate Hillary’s true thoughts during her speech last night.

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The translation via The Clint-rator (the Clinton translator):

You know, Thursday night was supposed to be my original speaking night and this was supposed to be my time to begin the celebrations for being selected as the chief flamethrower!  Barack stole this race from me (after all, Michigan and Florida will not have their delegates counted…this is just an outrage), and I can’t fathom why the party selected him, after all of the work we did to bring the DNC back from the dead (or so we thought).  We all know that I would have dispatched a better running mate. 

After all, we know that I would have selected Patty Murray to be my side as my running mate.  She was voted ”Most Likely to be a Rocket Scientist” and she gained this honor in 2002 and 2004 by the Washingtonian Magazine.  Also, Patty has a unique honor of being part of my own sorority, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantsuits.  She would have been one heckuva foreign policy expert, since she indicated in a speech that she admired Osama bin Laden.  (Audience Cheers and Applauds) (The Washington State delegation is on their feet)

Socialism is not dead, my friends.  After all, we are the party of universal health care, free handouts to our white collar criminal friends, expanding the size of government, and taking guns and money out of the hands of hard working Americans.  You see, in my home state of New York (New York delegation is crowd surfing and cheering), we are the home to many wasteful government programs and strict gun control laws, and I want to utilize the Empire State model for America.  You see, I want this woman, whom I met on the campaign trail, to live off the money of hard working Americans and not be empowered to do anything.

We need to fight for energy advances that do not harm the environment or make our Greenpeace friends angry at us.  Three cheers for my good friend, Nancy Pelosi, who decided to take a five week vacation from doing nothing in Congress.  The American people thank you for your service.

You see, if selected, I would have appointed liberal activist judges, who believe the Constitution is merely a piece of paper.  Abortion and gay marriage would be legalized in this country.  Barack also believes in the same thing, so you can rest knowing that judicial activism would be alive and well, if we win.

Additionally, I would have stood for real economic change.   Not only would I have raised taxes on hard working families, who are struggling to make ends meet, but I would allow the union bosses to hijack businesses.  Then, real change would ensue with more job losses and companies moving overseas.   Barack and I can agree, the only change this country needs is the change from the pockets of working Americans.

Barack is a good friend (Not, but just wanted to be friendly), but I have a better vision for our country.  I want every child born in our country to be immersed in liberalism, and I want illegal immigrants to flood into our country to take advantage of our health care and welfare system.   (The crowd is on their feet)  I want to return to the White House and restore the partying lifestyle back to the Oval Office.  Oh yeah, and I want to return for some more freebies. 

Barack, I like you, but this is my party and my convention.  Bill and I have rigged the delegate count, so I will be the one facing my good friend, John McCain.  Girl Power and thank you, my friends…you make me baklempt, and oh, I accept the nomination as President.  (Crowd roars)

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The Clint-rator has finished the translation.  If you want to read her real speech, click here.

      I thought this was a great translation.  The fact was Hillary looked like she was ticked off during the whole speech.  Her body language, in fact, said that she was extremely jealous that she was being robbed of her moment in the spotlight.  Bill Clinton looked misty eyed and Michelle Obama looked like she could have killed Hillary.  Overall, it was a typical Clinton speech filled with false hopes and promises.