In the West, serfs have many opportunities to marvel at a rich pantheon whose pathos rivals the gods of the ancient world.
Take 60 year old Iris Robinson, wife of Northern Ireland’s First Minister, Peter Robinson, and her affair with a 19 year old boy. With guilt over the affair nearly driving the beleaguered lady to suicide, this episode offers to assuage the Sex in the City crowd’s persistent fear of “losing it.” The fear of sexual invisibility has been known to drive many spinsters to commit horrible acts; one of the most common being pregnancy traps. Ask DC super-stud Peter Orszag.
Orszag is the current White House budget director whom, in December 29, 2009, announced his engagement to ABC News financial correspondent, Bianna Golodryga, 31. Just prior to the announcement, on November 17, 2009, Greek shipping heiress/venture capitalist, Claire Milonas, 39, gave birth to Orszag’s third child, Tatiana Zoe (Orszag’s first two children are from his first marriage). Last week, Orszag and Milonas released a joint statement proclaiming:
We were in a committed relationship until the spring of 2009. In November, Claire gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Although we are no longer together, we are both thrilled she is happy and healthy, and we would hope that everyone will respect her privacy.
on their situation. The overall appraisal of Orszag’s predicament is a wash. Salutations for evading one pregnancy trap are quickly canceled by jumping right into what may be annother.
Finally, there is the gift that keeps on giving…
Controversy erupted last week when FOX News commentator, Brit Hume, recommended that Tiger Woods (a Buddhist suffering from marital woes) convert to Christianity.
Hume sincerely explained that Christianity uniquely offers Woods a chance for personal redemption that would serve as a shining example for the world. For this, Hume is rightfully applauded both for his heartfelt appeal for Christianity and for his unrestrained masculinity. The latter evoking a “gina tingle” from Keith Olbermann, dripping with exclamations on the separation of church and journalism.
If Tiger does not find Christianity an appealing prospect, there is another way. Tiger should profess that there is no God but God, and submit to God’s divine will under Islam.
With Tiger’s wife, Elin Nordegren retreating back to Sweden, there is no better course of action then for Tiger to reaffirm his wedding vows after submitting to the one God. With Sweden being one of many progressive European nations allowing Sharia Law to govern marriages, Tiger can take multiple wives, provided that he is able to provide for them. If a billionaire cannot do this, then who can (notwithstanding the “bottomless pit” consumption habits of western women)?
With Islamic law permitting the proper discipline of one’s wife, Tiger can exact proper retribution for having his face busted with a golf club.
Pre-nup? Wait until you see how division of property works under Sharia: one for him, one stone for her, etc.. To top all of that, Tiger would be following in the example of many European men, serious about traditional marriage, seeking peace under the more man-friendly Sharia tradition. Lastly, you just know that journalists and women of all progressive stripes shit their pants while contemplating the prospect of criticizing Islam.